Two people must start with compatible goals and common values, and each should believe that the other has the important personal qualities they want their future spouse to possess.
With both of the men you describe, you seem to have rushed into thinking about engagement far too soon.
Or, you could have decided that he was not right for you because all of the ingredients for a healthy relationship weren't present.
Beyond this, you may also have a genuine fear of commitment.
Fear of commitment may be caused by a number of stimuli including failed past relationships, misplaced trust or dysfunctional early family life.
Learn the warning signs to recognize it in others–or in yourself.
There was a similar pattern with the guy to whom I almost became engaged. I'm worried that I'll have these issues with whichever guy I date, and that I'll never break out of this commitment rut. Beth Dear Beth, We believe that your difficulty is more than just a fear of commitment.