I’m still learning about how to balance society’s demands on women and my internal traits.However, now I know I don’t need to suppress my ‘girlish’ impulses in trying to be an independent woman.Dating him, and others before that, has allowed me to see my self-contradictions and insecurities.
The beautiful female protagonist is independent and savvy at her office, but in front of a guy she likes, she’s one step behind, submissive and gentle.
For example, if a guy asked me how many bottles of soju I could drink, I would say “half a bottle” instead of “two bottles.” That would be me “doing in the proper way. (I had already been working for several years by then.) We dated over a year. I was in love, of course, but what was happening to me?
I wanted men to accept me the way I truly am, complete with my outgoing, straightforward personality which I thought didn’t go together with girlish behaviors. For a long time, he never commented on my social gatherings or asked me to see him as my sole source of emotional support. Many of my friends started to point out that I had changed a lot.
It’s Valentine’s Day, and I am enjoying making chocolate on my own.
I no longer categorize this activity as a womanly activity. I also recognize that so-called girlish behaviors like are not the preserve of women. The revelations on my part may be uncomfortable for some South Koreans to bear.
I finally had an answer to the question I had first posed in my early twenties: My outgoing personality, which attracted men, was not an obstacle to developing stable relationships.